Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
