He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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