tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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