It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
