Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
