I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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