I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize