4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
