you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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