I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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