so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
