my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
