I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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