hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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