So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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