Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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