I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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