I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
