he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
