As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
