Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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