Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
