I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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