I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
