I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
