college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Bring me that man meat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
