You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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