so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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