I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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