We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
