I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
