Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
