Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
