Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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