just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
