I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize