People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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