oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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