So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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