So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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