I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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