Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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