I love black thongs
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
