I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
