I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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