I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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