Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
