It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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