I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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