I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
