mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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