it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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