i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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