I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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