i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
