john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
