i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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