Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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