sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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