last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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