sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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