He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
