How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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