Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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