You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
