Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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