She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
