glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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