In the future we'll all be gay
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
