Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
