She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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