Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
