my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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