It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize