do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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