You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
