Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
