i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
