they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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