I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
