We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
