I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
