Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
