btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
