If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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