It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
