Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
