I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
