I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
