I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize