Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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