No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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