when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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