Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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