lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
