I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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