It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
