How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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