So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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