need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
