I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
