Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
